If you’d asked me a few years ago whether i would be a exposed to narcissistic behavior voluntarily id of responded "hell no " in time i learned that they gave off none of the illustriousness indications that make it relatively easy for a level headed person to spot a narcissist, the need to be the center of attention the haughty or overbearing remarks and competitiveness. they didn't display the primping, the need to manipulate, or of course, the lack of empathy they didn’t appear to fit any of those definitions in fact, if anything, they were quiet and not that into socializing, intent on not drawing attention to themselves. they were nonchalant about their appearance except in professional situations, and relatively laid back. they were a thoughtful giver of gifts, willing to accommodate to my needs and perhaps a bit too happy being by their selves and away from the company of others. those things don't sound like a narcissist do they ? I didn't think so either.
During conflict is usually when the first sign appears this is when they fully expose their lack of empathy this the corner stone of their behavior because when the narcissist feels threatened, winning or succeeding to protect him/ her/ them selves is all that matters not consequences, this is their main focus and the determination to win at any cost shows the shallow nature of their emotional connections to you and to all others.
1. Gaslighting
They use this technique to stop any attempt at being human they want to isolate you so they start with your hopes your dreams and your fears and turn them against you they start to plant little seeds of doubt or guilt. They take love and regard it as a weak emotion almost like its detrimental to their health. so you will hear statements like
“Why are you making things up?!”
"your delusional"
These are the techniques used to manipulate the mind on a narcissist behalf
1a. Countering
this is when the abuser makes the victim question what happened.
“it didn’t happen that way!”
1b.Withholding
when the abusive partner pretends they don’t understand or just won’t listen.
why do you keep saying things like this?!”
“I don’t want to hear this again”
1c.Diverting
The victim’s thoughts are questioned, or the abuser diverts the subject.
“you are imagining things”
1d.Repetitive Questioning
the abusive partner makes the victim doubt what they think or feel. The key here is the insidious intent, and the repetitive nature of the questions
“are you sure?”
“do you really think so?”
1e. Revealing Hidden Thoughts of Others
This is when the abuser will “reveal” what other people are “really” thinking about the victim. This is effective in making the victim doubt themselves and their fundamental sense of what reality is.
“I know you really want to help people, but I just want you to know that a lot of people feel like they have to listen to you and I can see them rolling their eyes at you behind your back…”
"people have been saying.... (lie)"
Which brings me to the next point of :
2. Lies
Narcissists lie as a way of life. They say one thing, yet do another. They often speak in code, amongst one another. They say the word love, they mean sex. They view concept such as soulmates or partnership relations as a bait and trap, they live in a topsy turvy world in which everyone is either a hunter or prey. In other words, they lie, lie, lie to themselves and one another about what is normal in human relationships. These lies are not just the “normal” lying most use at least occasionally to defend or avoid conflict.
The Reason for this is because narcissists view other people as objects and feel completely justified in exploiting them. The lies enable narcissists to present false images of themselves to potential targets. Which unfortunately causes their targets lose the ability to make safe and appropriate decisions.
Narcissists lie super effortlessly and are very very convincing. They experience the pleasures they get from lying due to their lack of the normal range of human emotions. They are empty inside and bored, they lack empathy for others, and they do not feel shame or remorse. This emptiness also enables them to lie with minimal effort. They can look people straight in the eye and lie quickly and guiltlessly, even when confronted with probing questions and evidence of the previous deception. It is also easy for them to deny the lies, make up excuses, and project their own behavior on to others, which is, of course, a lie in itself.
They also lie to make others feel sorry for them. They are exploiters, and so they take advantage of the natural desire most people have to help and nurture their fellow human beings. They use deception and sometimes a drop of truth to create a plethora of fabricated ailments and problems. Common pity plays include fake illnesses and injuries, along with “crazy” exes, car accidents, and theft, to name just a few.
3.Lack of Empathy
A narcissist cannot feel empathy and are unable to feel empathy even if they caused someone’s loss, pain or illness a narcissists reaction will not be in the realm of understanding unless pretending to use as a form of gaslighting when faced with having to feel for another they will turn it around to get attention for themselves because they are being ignored.
Lack of Empathy It’s Not Always Obvious. But what is it really? What does lack of empathy look like when it’s actually happening? you may hear statements like
“It’s Not My Fault , It’s Your Fault!”
“You’re Not Here for Me ,You Disappoint Me!”
And the worst of them all is :
“I’m Sorry / l’ll Change.”
Because narcissists often operate on in authenticity and lies, the consequences of their actions eventually catch up to them and they pay a heavy toll . These are the moments of their life crisis which may include family distancing themselves relationship issues, problems with the legal system, damaged personal or both professional reputation.
During these moments they will dramatically profess how they have messed up they will promise to change their ways and ask for forgiveness just to turn around and do it again . They may sound convincing, and perhaps even believe in the contrition themselves. But be very careful! Many narcissists go back to their Machiavellian ways. When a narcissist says “I’ll change”, what he/ she/they often wants is for the unpleasant situation to go away, without changing themselves .
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